And then she said, “I Don’t”

You can never forget those spitting competitions with your first love


It is a terrible thing; to be unable to write when I am in a happy place. It is such a burden; being unable to put together a single, meaningful sentence when I am not miserable. Either that, or when I am sober. Writing about life’s truths is hard enough when intoxicated; doing this sober is an entirely different ball game.

Anyway, this was supposed to be a blog about my quest for love, not a discussion about my failing battle against alcohol; although I have a feeling the two might be related.

So…back to my never-a-happy-ending love stories.

The first time I fell for a guy was when I was in my o’levels.

Okay…I lied. The first time I fell in love was in fifth grade with a boy who used to sit in the front of the classroom and who I know reciprocated my feelings because he once lent me a pencil in history class for a …. I am beginning to realize my problem. I am insane.

But no great love story was ever written about two logical and rational people who only took a practical approach to everything in life. So I take comfort in my insanity.

Where was I? Yes. O’levels. I met him at a wedding (ironic, I know). Well, more like he saw me at a wedding and asked a mutual friend of ours to get us together. Now, I find it necessary to mention here that when I was a teenager, going out literally meant just going out. I didn’t even have my first kiss till I was in college (unless you count kissing my pillow, the back of my hand and my mirror as actual making out). O’levels boy was apparently smitten; something I really fail to understand because when I look at my pictures from that wedding all I can see is a stick figure in an ugly yellow shalwar kameez practically invisible in the dark except for the patches of oily skin shining like a lone star in the night sky.

But no great love story was ever written about two logical and rational people who only took a practical approach to everything in life. So I take comfort in my insanity.

I told my friend I would meet him only if he promised to take me to gelato; in those days I really had insignificant needs. Now it’s more along the lines of… don’t talk to me till you get my Mojito right.

O’levels boy was perfect in many ways. He was really good looking, funny and he taught me how to launch my spit a good three feet across. At 26, these seem like ridiculous reasons to be with someone. At 16, they were my only reasons. A good looking boy who has no issues with my spitting? What more could a girl want?

For one, a guy who isn’t easily seduced by his snake of an ex-girlfriend. And who doesn’t think his house was once haunted by ghosts, but who left as soon as the community’s religious head came to his house for a visit; for another.

It really is weird. At 16, things are pretty black and white. Your boyfriend simply cannot be friends with his ex-girlfriend. The idea that maybe they really are just friends and there is nothing between them is one that just does not exist. The funny thing is, the thought that bothered me the most was not if she had her filthy tongue in his mouth (which she probably did); what really upset me was the idea that he would be launching his spit with another girl. Wow! My world was so much simpler back then.

Another deal breaker; your boyfriend simply cannot believe that the presence of a man scared the ghosts in his house away. I really think this was the fact helped me make my final decision; his blind acceptance of a religious figurehead and every decree of his as sacred as the word of God. To quote him, “He may not be God, but he is God-like.” Religion is such a sensitive topic in this country and if we were to be honest, probably the most indistinct aspect of our lives. Nothing is clear; hence, everything in the name of God is acceptable. Even at the age of 16, this was unacceptable to me.

And so I said good-bye to the first boy in my life I was willing to share my fries with. One of my readers said that true love means accepting the person for who they are; you find happiness in their happiness. I think that is just fairy tale nonsense. I think love is accepting people with their flaws, without having to compromise on your principles. If you can find that balance, then that’s good for you. How can it be love when one person is happy and you are just miserable? Eventually, misery finds release in hatred. You hate the person who made you miserable and you hate yourself for allowing someone to let you fall so far. Love is just not that black and white.

Anyway, that was one ugly break up. I cried for days; I really thought I would never find happiness again. But I did find happiness, as did he. Except he now has love handles; only they’re all over his body. And he has no hair. Call me shallow, but I take a lot of comfort in that.

7 Responses to “And then she said, “I Don’t””
  1. MrSingle says:

    You said and I quote “I think that is just fairy tale nonsense. I think love is accepting people with their flaws, without having to compromise on your principles”.. now that’s a contradiction. Firstly, If you accept someone with a flaw “X” and your principle is “anti-x” then you are obviously compromising on your principle(s) and if you compromise for the sake of acceptance even then you’re compromising, so, to make a long story short, just like you cannot BE at 2 different places at one instance of time, similarly what you said is practically, logically and rationally impossible. Secondly, what might sound “tale nonsense” to you might not sound the same to others. Thirdly, when you “LOVE” someone (and by love i mean love, i don’t mean when you are having a ‘fling’) then you just simply like whatever ‘flaws’ they have and you don’t hate them for making you miserable. Fourthly, If it’s “love”, then “happiness” for ONE person can NEVER be “misery” for the other and if it in fact is then it just isn’t LOVE.

    P.S. : Love, in its true sense, and in its true spirit, can happen ONLY ONCE. Anything before and/or after that is/are just flings or means of killing time.

    • Ms. Single says:

      I had an entire argument to this in my head. Love is an emotion isn’t it? Don’t emotions exist as the anti-thesis of practicality and logic? You can love someone, but at the same time you might not accept everything they throw your way. Which means if it makes the person I love happy to beat me up, doesn’t mean my happiness is in their happiness and I will just let them beat me up because I love them.
      You have to stay true to who you are.
      And people you love can make you miserable; anyone with parents and siblings will know this.
      And you can be two places at one time (A walk to remember)
      Anyway, I don’t mean to say you’re wrong because that is your opinion.
      I am just writing mine.
      And thanks for your comments. I actually enjoy them.

      • MrSingle says:

        Love is not mathematics and obviously logic and/or practicality doesn’t really matter. Even if it does, then the “lover” can find a 100 thousand logical arguments that would support his “emotion” and imply that that its the correct thing to do (at least in his/her own brain) but then again, aren’t “Correct” “right” and “wrong” all ambiguous terms? One might be wrong for a 100 thousand people but the same would be correct for another 100 thousand. So, logic doesn’t really apply to all things (the hardcore mathematical logic) however logic in its broader sense could be applied to love and it is pretty much in-line with what you call an “emotion” i.e “Love” and isn’t really in contradiction with it.

        Furthermore, the example you gave made sense but perhaps you haven’t actually studied different types of “love”. There are different types of love and the love you referred to is what i would call “enforced love” or “programmed love” because that’s not the “love” you opted for by choice but you were actually “programmed” to be in love with your parents and siblings and blah blah.. you don’t choose who be your parents and/or siblings and its a compulsion to be with them and since they brought you up, took care of you, loved you, provided you food and shelter, gave you a name, good education and for a 100 thousand other reasons you “FELT” something for them which you called “LOVE” however this isn’t what *I* would call “LOVE”.. Why wouldn’t you love the parents of your friends as much as you love your own parents? There are millions if not billions of parents out there, why don’t you love them all as much as you love your parents and/or siblings.

        Having said that, there’s another type of love which you may call “Sexual love” and that’s yet another type of love.. C.W. Lewis describes this as an “Appetite” so if you’re hungry you eat food and likewise when you’re thirsty you have some water and when you’re lusty you go for this sort of love.. this, again is an “enforced” or “need-based-love”

        Finally, there’s one type of “LOVE” which *I* would call “love” (you may call it something else).. this is the type of love which is completely unconditional.. well, it’s not “unconditional” in its truest sense because there’s only one condition in this sort of love and that’s the happiness of your beloved and/or partner.. this love is neither need-driven and nor is it enforced and/or imposed.. this is the love that happens only ONCE in a life time and is done by your own choice.. you aren’t forced to do it and it happens out of free will.. you don’t expect anything and give everything that you possibly could.. and most importantly, you walk away when you know you’re role in their life has ended and that they aren’t happy with you and/or that they are happy with someone else.. it’s just one way traffic, you give your best to this.. you strive for their well being and protect them as much as you could.. you don’t brag about the “miseries” and in actuality you don’t feel anything “miserable” about things that are against your nature but you know this is something that would bring happiness of any sort to your beloved.. to make a long story short, this is something completely unconditional.

  2. MrSingle says:

    Furthermore, your Idea of “LOVE” seems flawed. I may be wrong or I may be right and the same goes for you i.e you can be right or wrong. You think if someone brings “misery” to you and/or isn’t “happy” with you etc then the best way is NOT to hate them but to give them space and let them be happy with whatever and/or whomever they are happy and while you do so, if it’s “LOVE”, you wouldn’t be “depressed” and/or “bothered” instead you’ll be happy that you played your role in their life and now there’s someone else with whom they could be much more happy and accepting this fact and knowing this reality they should be given a free hand and allowed to be with anyone they are pleased with as the ultimate goal of “LOVE” (AND NOT FLING) is the happiness of your partner.

  3. nabeel says:

    AAhh it was realy good words to are absolutely right about love.
    love is all about be happy with your loved one.its not about miserable condition.
    love again and again and again……until you find some one who keeps you happy and enjoys every act of you.

  4. Sketch says:

    This…just reminded me of my first girl friend back in O’levels. Flowing red hair,fair supple skin and lips that could match dear Angie’s any day. Unfortunately that was all she could boast of and further upsetting was my absurd notion of being madly in love with her. I’m sure you can predict how that story ended.
    Happy days! oh and please do quit drinking. Switch to beer!

  5. AkhtarSent says:

    It was interesting reading.Ms Single looks quite confused about love.I have had experience of first love,then she gets married,you get lost,then comes another love,wonderful time for few years and then she also gets married and ,you get lost.The you get married and think this is love,few years and ,you get lost.In my calculated view,love between two individual is state of mind where both sync and enjoy pleasure being together.The moment,there is no pleasure ,love is gone.Then love has no time restriction,whether class 5, “O ” level or later.When ever two individual click emotionally,it is love.

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