Poor people, please…

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As most of us know, the katchi abaadi of I-11 has been cleared, Islamabad has been cleansed of this large terrorist stain on its beautiful, glorious, don’t-touch-me-you-filth face. Our great city has been restored to its former glory, it has survived.

There’s good news for the rest of us too: these dwellers of the abaadi happened to be terrorists and Afghan refugees or terrorist Afghan refugees, depending on how PC you are; we can sleep much more deeper now, knowing our valiant CDA is out there, brutally breaking down on terrorists, drug dealers and their funders alike.

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Except, maybe, not. According to UNHCR, 114/864 of the families of the katchi abaadi are of Afghan origin + 27 non-registered families, 1,022/7,995 Afghan individuals, roughly a 13% are nasty Afghan refugee terrorists. The rest are our own homegrown variety. Which means we had some 6,973 homegrown terrorists lurking in these slums; massacring school-going children, not letting Islamabadi girls go to school, and painting masjids red.

That just won’t be happening anymore, thanks to the CDA.

As for being illegal, provincial katchi abadi acts, the National Housing Policy and the National Katchi Abadi Policy of 2001 make it difficult for these slums to be illegal. But they are poor and don’t go well with the picture-perfect landscape and cityscape of one of the best capitals in the world. So they must go away, lest they give the nobility of Islamabad an eye-infection.

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But now thanks to the CDA and our wonderful, dead serious government, Islamabad is Islamabad once again, home to Lal Masjid, to multiple madrassas, to feudal lords, agitators and funders living in mansions and on hill tops of the serene (and absolutely legal) Bani Gala. Drug dealing can go back to being legal in beautiful Isloo and Islambadis can once again be at legal peace in their own homes doing whatever legal things they want without any interference from the police. (The police like these shiny looking legal people with their glinting 4x4s)

We can get ready for another dharna once again, if you went to the last one you’d have seen how the rich and legal were giving legal housing to the illegals in tents right outside the PM house. They had nowhere else to go, good on maulvi TUQ and Taliban-esque IK for making them legal for a few months. Oh and just wait for people to gather in solidarity with Palestine, those poor Muslim brothers getting kicked out of their houses! How can a human be illegal?

One might think that Ameer-ul-Momineen, the bringers of change and the voice of the silent majority might give a chawanni or two about people being displaced and having not enough money to afford “legal” and pretty housing in the capital but good Lord, no! Don’t you see, these poor, icky people are below their Highnesses! And they are much too prioritised to be giving notice to such measly insects; they are busy cleaning up our madrassas where terrorists are prepared, our houses where women are abused and raped daily, they are much too busy trying to pick up this great country after decades of terrorism, and most of all, finding scapegoats so that their upcoming years can be spent without fingers being pointed at them. Because they will be pointed at those who can’t afford legal housing. See how smart?

I mean, we have priorities, people! If a capital doesn’t look good, how can it be good? Also, we don’t have time to do our duty and provide housing as per order under article 38(d), sorry, bye.

Beautiful Islamabad can now go back to being beautiful, no more sights of little, dirty, homeless kids. No more kids covered in dust carrying around sacks collecting trash or begging for money. No more! You are free to ride your cars to anywhere in the vicinity of Islamabad without feeling an ounce of guilt, you are free to call it your ‘baap ka shehr’ without katchi abaadis itching at your pride, you are free to go to sleep after 8’o clock now because there will be little to no terrorists around to bomb your posh, legal houses, no drug dealers to deal your children drugs, no one to employ your kids in the cause of terrorism, there is no one to fear now!

And thank God. Here Islamabadis are trying to take over the world and, frankly, poor people, you just make them look bad.

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-Pictures taken from Awami Workers Party Islamabad’s Facebook page.

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